A Mournful Monday Morning

Confusion,
Worry,
Anger.

My heart drums against my chest
rapid staccato to push my blood
Thick
as honey through
petite veins.

My stomach
flip
flops
in that all too familiar fashion.

My brain computes the faces of my peers.
Disbelief,
Defeat,
Broken.
It knows. It always knows before I do.

My feet drag me to the source.
Across what seems no-man's land.
Space and silence seperating
the Ones that Don't Know
and the Ones Who Wish They Didn't.

My ears receive vibrations,
twist them into sound.
I hear the words and reject this miracle
of processing auditory information.
I briefly envy Beethoven.

Hurt,
Heavy,
Nothing.

My body's reactions hit me.
A breaking dam
floods all thoughts,
washes away all reason,
sweeps out all meaning.

I cry.

I cry in place of
a family,
a school,
a community,
a nation,
a world.

I cry because someone felt the same way as I.
I cry because they acted upon such feelings.
I cry because I could not.

A hollow infinitely deep
Claws
into my heart,
nestling for a permanent stay.
I voice no objections.

Now is a moment forever etched
into my core.
It will shape my future,
influence my present,
and brighten my past.

My eyes close with the weight of sorrow.
They close and I
Escape,
Escape,
Escape
into the oblivion of sleep.
During the hours of ignorance
I can smile.
The void fills temporarily.

All is "Ok."

Until I wake
I will drown
Deeper,
Deeper,
into the well of stillness.

Sadness,
Regret,
Love.